Tone. I haven’t mastered it yet.

My tone with other people that is. I keep coming off as offensive when I have no such intent.

Apparently when I’m mulling something over, I make this face that scares the crap out of some people.

“Oh no, I’ve done something wrong!”, I’ve had nervously said to me, to which I’ve responded “um, no?”, before having to assure them I’m not angry with them, I’m just quietly thinking about something they’ve said. This went on repeatedly with a lady for whom I only have respect and not a hint of disapproval and to think I hadn’t even said anything to precipitate this!

People who have seen me actually angry still think that I’m angry when I’m just being critical. The last time I got angry with someone it involved me throwing them around while they wielded a beer bottle in a state of intoxication after they loudly intimidated/harassed my youngest brother (and no I’m not repentant about it nor do I think it undeserved, unjustified or unnecessary). There is a big difference between that, and an admittedly tired frown during criticism of something said during the viewing of a Stanley Kubrick film.

Yet somehow, even then, I got an “I get scared when you get angry” when I wasn’t angry. I decided not to labor the point because the last time I tried explaining to them that I wasn’t angry, it was taken as me still being angry. Which I wasn’t. I was being critical.

Reason could be used to show why the allegation was unfair (it was frigging unfalsifiable!) but I just got treated like frigging Shrek.

It afflicts my writing as well.

Some time back in 2006 on my previous blog, I wrote a series of open letters to Dr John Ray of A Western Heart. The tone was supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, in jest and not entirely disrespectful and Dr Ray played to it as such (i.e. he was deadpan to my supposed Chaseresque line of questioning).

The thing is, upon re-reading what I wrote it didn’t feel like it did when I wrote it. I came across as being a bit of a git and seemingly entirely more unfriendly than I had intended. It was sort of like playing back a recording of your voice and going “oh no, is that my voice!?!”

I can remember how I felt during the exchange. It was a feeling of (perhaps strange and obscure) cheeky playfulness and it certainly wasn’t anger. The writing seemed angry to me though and I’m the one who wrote it!

It’s like the title says: Tone. I haven’t mastered it yet.

~ Bruce